I feel sick. you know when it's just one of those bad days where your stomach just sinks and your heart pounds? and the more you think about the reasons for how you feel, the more convinced you are that you're actually sick? yeah, that's how i feel. i know i'm not literally sick. i just feel so yucky thanks to life itself right now. i literally feel so stupid right now. it's 12:29 and rather than calling someone or even sleeeping for gosh sakes, i'm venting to a freaking computer screen..even though i'll get absolutely noothing out of it. heck, i'm sure i'll consider deleting this whole thing after i post it. but who knows i guess. i just get tired of talking to people about my life. what can they offer me? they're opinions?; they're always the same. they either side exactly with me which makes me feel less dumb and all, but it doesn't make me feel any better about how stupid people can be. or they disagree with me and try and tell me what to do. i guess their thoughts are respected, but not what i'm looking for. i don't know what i'm looking for. i guess sometimes i feel like having people around is pointless because they always end up disappointing me one way or another. whether it's by something they did, or just because it never actually worked out staying friends. But then other times it sucks not having anybody around. sometimes, things will happen, and i'll want to just tell someone. just to know that i could share one moment of my life with someone who could listen, and feel the same things for that moment as i did. the excitement, or the anger. whatever it was, sometimes it just feels good to have someone there to reassure myself that i'm not going crazy and that maybe i'm not toootally alone.
But i am. and it sucks. And i'm not exactly sure what to do about that. Or maybe what to think about that anyways. i usually try to avoid thinking about it because it stresses me out.
Gosh i feel like such a whiner, i just had to tell someone how i felt! well, i guess i just told the whole damn world how i felt. isn't that a scary thought? well, i think i had my say for now. i'm going to go eat my feelings now, watch some movies, and hope i fall asleeep for about ten hours. sorry this blog totally sucks and we don't keep up well at all! we'll do our best to be better bloggers..even though we don't have any followers or no one even reading it anyways. ohwellll.
goodnight to whomever actually reads this.
